


What You Have Forgotten

by Some_Dwarven_Writer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 03:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16694659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some_Dwarven_Writer/pseuds/Some_Dwarven_Writer
Summary: Dalavur Surana needs a few painful reminders of what past hurts he has caused others. Will these memories motivate him to become someone greater of force him to give up all hopes of redemption? How will his current lover take the news that Dalav has a child? Above all else, what brought about these memories and is it dangerous?





	What You Have Forgotten

Dalavur Surana took a deep breath sucking the air in through his nose and exhaling the excess through his mouth. It smelled nice, sweet even. Like the apprentice quarters in the circle tower after they’d been cleaned and scented with lavender. Dalav felt extraordinarily calm. This was usual given the fact that’d he’d just been fighting with his current lover and they’d recently ended that fight with a closed tent apology. The apology had been exhilarating as always but not exactly calming. The elven mage knew something was wrong. He could sense it in the cool but comfortable air that caressed his skin and in the warm but not overpowering light that dimly lit his closed eyelids. A hand rested on Dalav’s bare chest. Soft fingertips alit circles on the exposed skin of his chest. He could discern from just the light touch that the hand was not his lovers. Zevran did well to take care of his skin but despite his hard work, he still had the calloused hands of a trained fighter. Dalav had known circle mages with comparably soft hands but there was something too bold and too perfect about the delicacy of the sensation. Biting back his worry, Dalav opened his eyes. As he had suspected, the candle light was dim around him. He couldn’t quite make out the room that he laid in. Around him were placed throw pillows worth more coin than he’d ever seen in his life and despite the foolishness of the notion, Dalav was certain he was in the Circle Tower. More specifically, it felt like he was locked away in one of the small hidden rooms scattered throughout the tower. Dalav knew those rooms well and knew for what purpose they were most often used.

It was then that Dalav looked upon his companion. She was probably a woman. The candle light only illuminated the edges of her tan skin, trailing in a gold halo around the curves of the body. Dalav let out a shaky sigh. She was almost positively naked and with pretty good certainty Dalav could say that he was as well. He wondered if he could grab for a throw pillow to cover himself without her noticing, “Now, now,” a feminine voice emanated from the shadowed figure. She was familiar but he couldn’t quite place from where he knew her, “There’s no need to feel uncomfortable, Dalavur Surana. I am here for your deepest desires. Besides, you’ve long since forgotten number of people who’ve seen you unclothed.”

Dalav shifted uncomfortably. When he spoke his voice was even more airy than usual, “That’s always on my terms.”

She laughed and it made Dalav’s heart leap up into his throat, “This is all on your terms,” One of her long fingers tapped at he center of his chest.

He knew that laugh. He’d know that laugh in the depths of the damnation. His voice came out pinched, strained by competing emotions, “You’re not a very good desire demon. I don’t desire her. Quite the opposite actually.” She laughed again but it was deeper this time and more malicious. Dalav shivered. He felt exposed, both physically and emotionally. He pulled away from the demon, grabbing a pillow on his way over to the far corner of the small room. He held the pillow like shield, hugging it to his body. He could see her now, every feature the same as it had been that last night. It felt so long ago but it had barley been more than two years. Oh, how his life had changed. She looked beautiful in the candle light, the way it danced in her long braid of black hair and turned her tan skin golden. Her eyes were the same too. A molten gold and so honest that is broke his heart. She’d loved him that night but she’d cursed him a few months later. Her fury had been terrifying. If it wasn’t for Jowan, Dalav probably would have been killed in his sleep. He would have deserved it.

“You want her,” The demon whispered in her voice, “You want her alive and well. You want her happy, smiling and laughing the way she used to whenever you’d tell a dumb joke. How many times do you think you broke her heart?”

“A few,” Dalav said honestly, “I suspect you’re going to now say that you’ll give her back to me. I hate to tell you this but I’ve moved on and I never really loved her.”

“You didn’t love any of them did you, Dalavur?” She hissed, “Not one after what Arthur did to you. Do you ever wonder how many girls had to get rid of your vial spawn? Did you ever think of all of the bastards you must have sired? Of course not. Why would you care?”

“I only have the one,” Dalav whispered, his voice barely loud enough for him to hear it, “None of the other girls ever spoke to me. If they were going to keep a child I’m sure they would have spoken to me.”

“So you say but you don’t know that,” The demon laughed mercilessly, “You were never careful and it’s a shock you never caught anything.”

“I don’t know what you’re playing at demon but its not working,” Dalav’s voice and body shook.

The demon smiled that self satisfied smile she always used when she knew she was right, “Perhaps it isn’t. Maybe a different subject will work more aptly,” Her body began to shift in size and form, “What about this one.”

Morrigan laid across from him, her eyes gleaming in the low light. Dalav’s breath shook, “I- She- There’s no use trying to tempt me now. I know what you are and I won’t agree to anything you offer.”

“Won’t you? What if I offer the only thing you’ve ever really wanted? That desire you must cover up with your exploits and your lust,” Her dark lips twisted in a smile, “Alas, it will never be sated by such superficial deeds.”

Dalav shook his head, “There is nothing you could offer.”

“Truly? What if I were to offer you happiness? A life? A family?” She cocked an eyebrow, “A woman such as I could give you those things.”

“No,” Dalav said bluntly, “I don’t want a family with Morrigan.”

“Perhaps not,” She sat up, shadowing her face by covering the candlelight with her body. Dalav watched where her eyes had been, feeling distinctly uncomfortable with the idea of knowing what one of his traveling companions looked like naked without their consent. After a long moment of watching each other the demon spoke again but this time it had a voice all its own, “But you do want lifelong companionship. You have always tried so hard to obtain a great deal of attention and affection but never has it made you feel complete. Not until recently, that is.”

“What do you want from me,” The elven mage had shrunk back into his corner, hiding from the being that pursued him so vehemently. He looked more like a lump of flesh than a living person, his heart aching with too many old hurts. The demon was right. When Dalav had been young his mother had brought him into a big city. He didn’t know where he was but he could still remember all of the elves that lived in that place. He remembered the inhabitants and the terrible scent that was constant in the city air. The young boy had missed the open air desperately. Nightly he’d dreamed of roaming the starlit forests, jumping after his mother's foot prints as she paid him no mind. Now, Dalav only had vague unformed memories of that time. He’d been very young when the templars took him and it had been a more of a blessing at the time. His mother had brought Dalav to live with one of her relatives in the city because she was too strung out to care for him properly. She used to tell him she hated him. She’d say that he’d ruined everything in her life and that it was his fault that she drank to excess. He was too young to understand any of it but he had understood the red patches that the back of her hand had left on his pale cheeks. In the Circle things had been better but no one wanted to care for a powerful child just beginning to come into his magical potential. He’d run at the heels of Enchanters and Templars alike, always wishing for some sort of recognition. He never got any. In his teenage years Dalav meet Arthur. Arthur had been a mage who recently passed his harrowing in another Circle. They were fast friends and even faster lovers. Dalav was young and naive but that wasn’t really an excuse for what he did. He pledged himself to Arthur a month into their relationship and a week later he promised to run away from the circle. Never had Dalav been beaten as severely as he was after Arthur reported his findings to the templars. Apparently, he’d been planted to from bonds with the more erratic apprentices to see how loyal they were to the Circle. Dalav was a hell of a lot more loyal after that. He remembered the scent of his own blood pooling below him as two templars hit him repeating his wrong doings with every kick. In that moment he’d promised himself that he would never fall in love again. So he hadn’t. Despite that, he had managed to sleep with over half of the eligible matches in the Circle before being made a Warden. It was in those years that Alice Amell had been made one of many. It was a fate she never deserved.

Dalav could feel the eyes of the demon boring into him. She spoke, “I want the truth and I want what is best for you. What happened to Alice wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have saved her but you can save your daughter.”

“It was a girl?” He whispered, his eyes lifting to the creature. This was foolish and maybe even dangerous. What could the demon want? Why was it telling him this? He needed to be more careful but Dalav wanted to know. He needed to know.

“She might be,” The creature’s voice softened, “You’ll only know if you go find her. Remember this if nothing else, your happiness is what you make it. If you wish it, the life you want lays beside you.” The demon’s body shifted like a ripple in a pond. Dalav felt his vision fogging. His head felt heavy, his eyes closing slowly, the feeling of calm consumed him. He was sitting up in the pillow laden room while at the same time laying on cold grass.

“What are you?” He asked as the vision of the creature wisped away.

A voice whispered and he felt its soft breath press against his ear, “Many old friends.”

Dalav woke, his eyes focusing on the dark canvass of the tent above. For a long moment he held his breath, allowing his body to relax as he listened to the natural chirp of crickets outside the tent and the rhythmic breathing of the elven man pressed against his side. He took in a long breath, it was cool and smelled of recent rain. Dalav wondered how close it was to sunrise. He also wondered if he could manage to make his way out of the tent without waking Zevran.

“Bad dream?” Apparently Dalav couldn’t breathe differently without waking Zevran.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t wake you,” Dalav said, pushing himself into a sitting position. The ratty piece of fabric he used as a blanket fell and curled about his waits, holding him close like a lover. It was almost comforting, as was the slow swinging of the canvas flap that gave entry to his tent. Almost wasn’t quite enough.

An arm wound its way over the top Dalav’s shoulder and pulled him back ever so slightly to touch the warmth of Zevran’s chest and heat of his breath, “Is there something wrong?” He almost managed to reach Dalav’s ear but the mage had always been a good hand span taller than his lover.

Slowly Dalav nodded, “I need to talk to you.”

Dalav could hear the slight edge of worry in his lover’s voice, “Is this about what we fought over last night?”

“No- well yes but it’s about you and it’s about my past,” The mage couldn’t bring himself to do more than whisper the words, his head bowed as if in prayer.

Zevran chuckled, “Oh, I see! So it’s less about Morrigan and more about me! I believe I can find that agreable.”

Dalav absurdly felt himself overcome with emotion. Weather it be the lack sleep or the stressful dream, the relief that filled him with the knowledge that Zevran really wasn’t angry with him was almost too much. He blinked it away and with a raspy note whispered, “Thank you.”

“Yes, yes,” Zevran began as he worked his way around Dalav’s body to sit in his lap, “You already gave me plenty of time to forgive you and even more reason. Still, if you want to go again I won’t be complaining."

Dalav shook his head, eyes falling from Zevran’s intoxicating smile, “Not right now. I need to talk first.”

“How about after?” Dalav could sense that adorably raised eyebrow.

He laughed one soft chuckle, “I don’t know.”

“Well then, this must be serious! The man that has slept as many people as I have isn’t interested in sex with his devilishly handsome lover?”

“Zev I’m trying to be serious.”

“So am I,” He flashed another smile and pecked Dalav on the cheek, “But you’re so tense, I wanted to calm you down a bit first.”

With his first true smile of the night Dalav wondered what stroke of luck had brought his wonderful man into his life, “Thank you but there is really no way I can be calm and tell this story,” For a long moment the two lovers watched each other, their eyes dark in the dim light. Eventually, Dalav took a deep breath and began, his heart racing and full of so much uncertainty. He needed to tell Zevran this. He needed to get it off his chest and he wanted to know where his life would be heading if they both managed to live through the blight. He knew what he needed to do now, the only question was if Zevran would be joining him, “Zev I have a daughter and I want to raise her if I can. I don’t know where she is and until tonight I didn’t even know that she was a girl. Now I realize that she is my responsibility and I might finally be mature enough to handle that. She was conceived two years ago but my stories goes back a bit farther than that,” So in, Dalav explained his childhood and his life at the Circle. All the while leaving out none of gruesome details, from Arthur to the following number of countless lovers he had. Zevran was the perfect audience, listening without interrupting and occasionally comforting Dalav through the harder parts with a kind hand in his own.

After a while they came upon the part of the tale Dalav had been dreading, “I had two close friends when I was in the Circle, Jowan and Alice. We were inseparable, three apprentices against the world. By the time Alice had began to show interest in me I’d gained quite a reputation for myself. I’d assumed she’d known about that reputation but I shouldn’t have. I think she really did love me. I never loved her. I treated her as I did everyone else who showed interest in me. I complimented her incessantly and after a while bluntly brought up the topic of sex. We spent a few nights together in one of the tucked away rooms hidden in the Circle Tower. I should have known there was more to her feelings than there was to mine but I was a selfish child that had eyes only for my own whims. A while later she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I tried to convince her not to keep it but that was no use. She hated me from then on. Alice never spoke to me again. I barely saw her until after the the child was born. The girl was probably brought to a chantry when she was born. That’s what happens to all of the kids born in the Circle. As for Alice, she is dead now," Dalav felt almost hollow saying it aloud, like he was the voice that echoed in an empty cavern, "She was one of the many mages killed when demons took over the tower,” It was then that Dalav stopped speaking all together. His story was more or less done and he had nothing else to say about it. At the very least he couldn’t bring himself to say anything else about it. As it was, the guilt was eating up his insides, devouring the emptiness and filling it with self hatred. He couldn’t bring himself to face Zevran either. He didn’t want to see the look on his lovers face so he panned his eyes low, fixating on the pattern of his blanket. 

“Do you know where she is, This daughter of yours?” Dalav shook his head, “We’ll find her if that is what you want. Now, I can guess what my part to play is in this story. You want to know if I will raise this child with you,” Zevran placed a hand under Dalav’s chin and raised his head so their eyes met, “I didn’t have any good parenting role models in my life but I suspect that neither do you. I want you to know that I would follow you anywhere. If we both live through this blight and you want to find your daughter and raise her, I will be by your side until my last breath.”

Dalav’s heart felt like molten gold. He wasn’t sure if he knew what to say to that so instead he pulled Zevran into a tight hug, “Thank you. I’d follow you too. Forever. It sounds cheaper now that I’ve said it second but…”

Zevran's laugh shook the both of their bodies, “I knew you felt the same.”

Dalav nodded burying his face in Zevran's shoulder, “I’m sorry about the Morrigan thing.”

Zevran shrugged, “I understand. She’s an interesting and attractive woman if that sort of thing you go in for. You know I don't really care who you sleep with. I hope you feel the same way about my escapades. It is you that I love and love and lust are not the same thing.”

Dalav smiled, pulling back from the hug to meet Zevran's eyes, "You're right, as always. I'm glad to finally know that I love you too," It was the first time he'd said those words in four long years. They'd been difficult years and Zevran's quicker draw to the understanding that their love was real had been a painful point of contention for couple. It was only after that night that Dalav was certain that he understood his own feelings. When they kissed it was both an apology and a thank you. If either of them had noticed the sun rising beyond their tent they made no mention of its presence for they were both fixated instead on each other and the revelations of the night.


End file.
